flickering lights

I want/need new books. And I don’t want fictional novels this time. I want philosphical and logic-based books. Also books on social phenomena and maybe psychoanalysis. Because I feel stupid and I need to learn new things. Help keep my brain cells alive. Donations are now accepted. I want Richard Dawkins and Karl Marx and biographies and non-fictional accounts of World War II and books on religions. Ack. I hate not having money for books. -_-

I’m currently suffering the worst hang over from a single bottle of beer in the history of mankind ever. Arr. I will never chocokiss-sarah’s-starbucks consecutively again. Seriously.  I’ve been in the midst of staring at nothing and of semi-conscious incoherent brain ramblings while lying on my bed for over five hours when I suddenly felt this ugly feeling of having to expel some of the things I had stupidly induced during the spree last night. Semi digested isaw and dark bitter liquid came out, the sound masked by the faucet left running. I know, oversharing. But I feel like crap so bear with me. Gad. I feel awful. Seriously. I ate a banana to pacify my stomach. I don’t know how that works, but bananas always make me feel better. It’s not working that well now, though. Ugh. Never again to binge eating and evilness. At times like this, I’m almost persuaded to believe in karma. Ugh. Migraine’s a bitch.

I’ve never been one to make friends easily. And I tend to stay with a few people. There’s this certain level of discomfort I feel when I have to interact with a large group of acquaintances and strangers. Except at that place, with the big red rectangular table where a green monster with huge eyes magnificently stands. That place, where friendships and dreams and hopes and wishes are formed and broken. That place where every minute spent is considered well-spent, regardless of how much you’ve been able to accomplish during that time.

So, I came by the tambayan yesterday. Familiar faces welcomed me with smiles and hugs and I realized how I miss it. I miss the red locker and the giant speakers, and my friends, and the b*tches.  I may have been gone for some months, and will never be coming back, but make no mistake, at that place, I am Elizabeth. And I, am the boss. Always will be. *evil laugh*

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I’ve been meaning to read something good for months now. All in an attempt to make my dying brain cells come back to life. I’m somewhere in the middle of Great Expectations at present. I’m… not that into it. I think I’m going to give Crime and Punishment another go.

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I had great expectations. From life. And myself. So far, both’s been nothing but let-downs. Heh.

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Was supposed to write about something else entirely but got caught up in an evil conference. Later.

Crashed against the growling tigers on yesterdays game. Pfft. But he future looks bright. Well, from 0-14 last season, one game, won on the opening day is enough to keep us hopeful this season. Next game against FEU. 2PM, Philsports Arena. Heads up lang to those who want to watch and support the team! :D

I’ve been flipping channels for like two hours when I stumbled upon Snoop Dogg’s reality show, Father Hood on JackTV. He’s a big football fan apparently, and he wants his kids to learn the sport but they wouldn’t do it unless it’s David Beckham who teaches them. So Snoop gets Becks to teach them. I want that daddeh! Gad I lurve that accent. Beck’s, not Snoop’s, just so we’re clear. Lol.

And i don’t feel fine.

I want to go out. Get some ice cream, or cheesecake, maybe see a movie, and talk, with people who actually care what about what I think.

Remember Marat Safin, bon vivant? One morning last week, he was spotted outside his Wimbledon rental house … watering the garden.
- Jon Wertheim, SI.com

So… I still watched the finals. I felt slightly sad for Federer after the match. And Nadal is sort of cute pala when he’s crying and not sticking his fingers up his ass. Lol. But that’s life. You can’t stay on top forever, and the sad thing is you can only go down from there. Federer had his hands full trying to stop Rafa from taking his title, meanwhile, Marat was busy. The plants need to be watered, you know! So cute.

Bad race for Kimi. :( But the race was fun to watch. Cars were spinning left and right! Woohoo! But Kimi’s no longer number one on the standings. Tsk. Gotta win more races!

Life. I need one. :|

I’ve been looking for work for like two or three weeks and I’m expected to have a job already? Seriously? No, I am not a pessimist. I’m just realistic about things. Pragmatism is not a bad thing. In fact, it is quite good. Less disappointments. This girl I met two Fridays ago, has been looking for a job for a year. And no, she still didn’t get one, because I was the sole survivor for that day.

What’s the rush? It’s not like I’ve been a bum for a year already. And it’s not as if I’m contented to just sit on my ass all day, all the time. I am looking for work. Just not where *you* want me to look. And *you* are seriously not helping with the snide comments about me having no drive, will, or whatever you want to call it. I do have plans. Like, earn money and get as far as I possibly could from you. Get it?? Pfft.

So, I have this thing I want to talk about but I can’t not to you. Because we are not friends. Because I have no friends. Because I’m a self-centered, heartless bitch who does not have a life. This is sooo not what I imagined my life would be. Anyway, life sucks right now. Sucks so much that I don’t want to talk about it to anyone. Well, except with my “little brother”, and he did make me feel a little better. Good for me. :|

Meron akong idea. What if… I die? Right now. What d’you think?

Wala lang. Posible palang mapagod sa buhay habang nakatanga ka lang at walang ginagawa. Nakakainis at nakakapagod. Tapos mas nakakainis pa kapag akala ata ng mga tao sa paligid mo eh tuwang tuwa ka pa na walang nangyayari sa buhay mo. Meron bang ganun?

Oh yeah. Wimbledon season is now officially over. Good run, Marat. -_-

Come on starsports! Show the fcking match live!! (Now they will. Because he’s up against Roger. Pfft.) In-effort ko na naman mag-live score, kasi ayaw talaga ipalabas ng starsports. Hmph.

Former world number one Marat Safin reaches the semifinals in Wimbledon.

Yaheeeey!! Semis after ten thousand years. Fine, three years lang, after winning the Australian Open. Davai MAPAT! You can do it! I believe!!

Marat is through the 4th round!!!! Arrrr!!! Ang saya. Wala lang. :D

I stayed up until about 4 am not watching Marat’s match. No, I watched Gasquet squander his two-set lead to Murray, because fcuking Star Sports would not show Marat’s matches, so I had to settle with livescores at wimbledon.org for updates. Pfft. The fun lies not just in winning, but in watching Marat frown and curse at the umpires and strut around talking to himself in Russian and breaka racquet or two along the way. I was deprived that happiness. They better show the Safin-Lopez match live tomorrow. Or else… wala. Maglive score na naman ako. Kay boring!

Davai Marat!!